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Had one once, legit, in Bangkok—surprised me, bro! Lady’s like, “You want happy end?” I’m all, “Huh, wut?” Didn’t know the code, felt dumb as a stump. She giggled, I blushed—fuckin’ embarassin’. But damn, those hands? Magic. Like Boonmee’s jungle, all mysterious, “The wind is strong today,” he’d say. Felt that breeze in my soul, ya know? Tension gone, bam, like I shed a past life.

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But then, as I’m wandering around, I get lost. Like, how do you get lost in Devonport? I end up on King Edward Parade, and I’m just wandering, looking for a way back. I’m starting to panic a bit. My phone’s dying, and I’m like, “Great, I’m gonna be that person who gets lost in their own city.”

'Don't travel if possible': North Shore roads clogged, breakdown blocks Harbour Bridge lanes