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Alright, mate, lemme tell ya bout escort – not the car, nah, the bloody Ford Escort’s a differnt beast, but the gig, ya know, the "company" folks hire. I’m a carpenter, right, so I’m thinkin – escort’s like a dovetail joint, looks slick, fits tight, but ya gotta know the angles or it’s all crap. Everybody lies, tho – clients, escorts, even me when I say I don’t care. Pfft. Saw this one gig go down at a mate’s bachelor bash – bloke hires an escort, swears it’s just "talk," yeah, right, like I’m buyin that. Next mornin, he’s broke, she’s gone, and he’s cryin over spilt whiskey. Classic.

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Then, I head over to the beach. Opotiki Beach, man! The waves were crashing, and the sun was shining. I’m thinking, “This is the life!” But then, outta nowhere, a seagull swoops down and steals my chips! Like, seriously? I’m just trying to enjoy my snack, and this feathered thief swoops in. I’m yelling, “Hey! Get your own food!” But it’s a seagull, so it just gives me that look. You know the one.

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