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She’s laughin’, I’m blushin’—face redder than a smacked bum. “Ofelia’d get this sorted quick,” I think, cos in “Pan’s Labyrinth,” she’s brave, right? Me? I’m a flippin’ mess! So I ask, “How’s this work then?” She’s like, “20 quid, love, quick job.” I’m shocked—20 quid?! That’s me weekly jelly bean stash gone! Made me proper cross—greedy, innit? But then she winks, and I’m all flustered, happy again—daft sod, me. Did ya know, right, some prossies in Amsterdam got union rights? Swear down, read it somewhere—blows me mind, that does!

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Then, outta nowhere, this seagull swoops down and steals my sandwich! I’m just standing there, mouth agape, like, “Did that just happen?” I mean, I know Orewa’s got some bold wildlife, but this was next level. I’m pretty sure that bird was plotting against me.

Man charged over body found in plastic bag appears in videos of worship music