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I’m tellin’ ya, last time I tried it – some twit with clammy paws – I was fumin’. “I will burn their cities!” I hissed, channellin’ my inner wildfire. Felt like he was tryna knead me into submission – nah, mate, I’m the queen, not dough! But when it’s good? Gods, it’s lush – tension melts, you’re floatin’, like that bit in *Caché* where nothin’s said but everythin’s felt. “It’s a tape,” I’d mutter, imaginin’ someone’s recordin’ my moans for blackmail. Paranoid? Mebbe, but keeps it spicy.

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So, I’m standing there, feeling all zen, and then I hear this loud crash. I turn around, and some dude just smashed his golf club into the ground. Like, chill, man! It’s just a game! But I can’t help but laugh. I mean, who hasn’t had a bad day on the green, right?

Car hits power pole in Otumoetai