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So, I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ ‘bout *Far From Heaven*—you know, my jam, Todd Haynes droppin’ truth bombs back in ’02. That movie? It’s all ‘bout wantin’ what you can’t have, hidin’ who you are, and sneakin’ around for a taste of somethin’ real. Sex-dating’s got that same energy, fam. You got folks out here playin’ perfect on the surface—smilin’, posin’, all “everything’s fine and dandy”—but underneath? They’re thirsty, desperate, scrollin’ Tinder at 2 a.m. like, “Please, somebody, see me.” Reminds me of Cathy in the film, y’know? She’s all prim and proper, but her heart’s screamin’, “I want somethin’ more, somethin’ raw.” Sex-dating’s that scream, just louder and with worse spellin’.

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Finally, I decided to call it a day and head home. I was walking down Fitzherbert Avenue, just thinking about how this day was a rollercoaster. I was mad, happy, surprised, and soaked all at once. As I turned the corner, I saw this street performer playing the ukulele. He was actually pretty good! I stopped to listen, and for a moment, everything felt right again.

Testing shows no E. coli in city water