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What pisses me off? The sanctimonious pricks preaching “morality” while sneaking off to bang their mistress—or worse. Hypocrisy’s thicker than the makeup on these girls. Happy? Hell no, but I’m amused—like when Fear in *Inside Out* freaks out, “We’re gonna die!” Yeah, maybe, if you pick the wrong alley. Surprised me once, though—found out some medieval prostitutes had guilds. Guilds! Like, unionized sex workers demanding dental. Wild, right? Imagine that negotiation: “More coin or I bite harder.”

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First off, I’m just settin’ up, and this dude stumbles in. I mean, he’s got that “I just lost a fight with a bottle” look. His name’s Dave, or at least that’s what he slurred. He’s tryin’ to order a drink, but he can barely stand. I’m like, “Bro, you’re not gettin’ anything but a taxi home.” He gets all huffy, like I’m the bad guy. C’mon, man! I’m just tryin’ to keep the peace on Rimu Road!

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