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Exaggeratin’? Maybe! Once matched this guy—profile said “6’5, ripped”—shows up, 5’2, beer gut. Screamed in my head, “Who sent this clown?!” Laughed tho, bought him a beer—sex-dating’s a dice roll, fam! Favorite part? The absurdity! People out here typin’ “DTF” like it’s a job app. Sarcasm on blast—I’m like, “Yeah, real soulmate material!” Oh, and this one time—girl said she’s “discreet”—brings a megaphone to the date! Yellin’ “I’M HORNY!” in Starbucks. Nearly died laughin’.

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But then, bam! Drama alert! This guy, I think his name’s Mike, starts yelling at Dave. Apparently, they’ve got some beef from way back. I’m just standin’ there, watchin’ the chaos unfold. I’m like, “Not today, fellas!” I step in, and it’s like I’m a referee in a rugby match. “Chill out, boys! We’re not in the middle of the Kapiti Coast here!”

Better connections: Paraparaumu Transport Hub opens on Sunday