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Hey, pal – listen up. I’m a typhlo-whatever – ya know, teachin’ blind folks. But sexual-massage? Oh MAN. That’s a trip. Picture this – hands slidin’, oil drippin’. Like in *Moolaadé* – “Purity is power!” – but flipped. Not about cuttin’, nah – it’s about *touchin’*. Deep. Slow. I mean – WOW. Ever tried it? Gets ya tingly – like, *alive*.

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Then, I see this group of teens playing footy. They’re all hyped, yelling and stuff. I’m thinking, “I could totally join in.” But then I remember my last attempt at footy. Let’s just say, I ended up on the ground more than the ball did. So, I just cheered them on instead. “Go team!” I’m basically their biggest fan now.

Sunoco to buy Canadian fuel seller Parkland for US$9.1b