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What gets me goat, tho? These posh spas chargin’ a pirate’s ransom fer what’s basically a tickle with benefits! Fifty quid fer an hour o’ “ooh, that’s the spot”? I’d rather wrestle a kraken, aye! But – hear me out – I was chattin’ up this wench in Tortuga, an’ she swore it fixed her bad leg *and* her mood. Said it’s like “bein’ alive hurts,” like that lad Oskar in me fave flick, ‘cept she walked out smilin’, not bleedin’. Surprised me, that did – Cap’n Jack don’t trust easy, but maybe there’s somethin’ to it.

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So, I’m at my desk on the corner of Victoria and Cuba St, and boom! The market opens. Stocks are flying up and down like they’re on a trampoline. I’m sweating bullets. My phone’s buzzing like crazy. Clients are freaking out. “Sell! Buy! What’s happening?!” I’m like, “Chill, fam! It’s just the market being the market.” But inside, I’m losing it.

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