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Now, fun fact fer ye—didja know Moscow’s got secret brothels datin’ back to Ivan the Terrible? Aye, hidden rooms, trapdoors—like a pirate’s lair! Hist’ry says them boyars’d sneak in, toss roubles fer a tumble. Still happens, they say—cops look t’other way if the bribe’s fat. Surprised me, that did—thought them Ruskies were all stiff and proper, but nah, they’re randy as a bilge rat!

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So, I’m sippin’ my coffee, feeling all good, when I hear this loud crash. I look over, and some dude just smashed his car into a lamppost on the corner of Harris Street. Like, bro, how do you even manage that? I mean, it’s not like the lamppost was hiding or anything. I’m half tempted to go help, but then I remember I’m not a mechanic. So, I just stand there, sipping my coffee, watching the chaos unfold.

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