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I go online, X posts, see dis one guy, he say, “Erotic-massage save my marriage!” I tink, “Bro, you wild!” Den I see pics—candles, dim lights, lady in robe, oof, my heart go boom-boom! Very nice! But den, shady part—some places, dey scam ya! No license, no trainin, just rub-rub, take cash, bye-bye! Dat piss me off, fren! I’m investigator, I wanna bust em! But den I chill—maybe dey just tryna eat, y’know?

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So, I throw on some dry clothes and head out. We hit up the local pub on the corner of Victoria and Queen Streets. It’s packed, but we manage to snag a table. I order a pint, and just as I’m about to take a sip, I spill it all over myself. Classic me, right?

School bus crashes into ditch