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I get pissed tho – some schmucks think it’s just foreplay for bangin’. Nah, it’s deeper, like when Jesse says, “Memory’s a fuckin’ wonder.” You feel every touch, every knot poppin’. I tried it once, this tiny gal, hands like fuckin’ steel, surprised the shit outta me. Thought she’d be weak, but nah, she had me moanin’ – not screamin’, mind ya, I ain’t no pussy. Made me happy, tho, real happy – tension gone, like I whacked my stress outta existence.

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But then, I see this guy tryin’ to juggle fire. Fire! In a park! I’m like, “Dude, you’re gonna burn the place down!” But he’s all cocky, and I’m just shakin’ my head. Next thing I know, he drops a flaming stick. Fire goes everywhere! People are screamin’, and I’m just standin’ there, thinkin’, “This is why we can’t have nice things!”

Taste of the Town: Must visit Kāpiti eateries this winter