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What gets me raging? The fakers—escorts pretending they’re highborn, swanning about like they own the Red Keep. Saw one on X last week, posting pics in silk, captioned “living my truth”—ha! Truth’s a brothel bed, love, and you’re just the sheets. But then—then!—there’s the rare ones, the real artists. Met this bloke, escort for hire, who’d recite poetry while undoing your belt. Surprised me, that—didn’t expect brains with the brawn. “What did you dream about?”—another *Syndromes* line—fits him. Dreamy sod, made me wanna keep him ‘round, but I don’t share.

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Then, outta nowhere, my phone buzzes. It’s a claim from a client in Stoke. Their house got flooded. I’m like, “Great, just what I need!” So I hop in my car and zoom over. The streets were a mess, man. I took a wrong turn on Salisbury Rd and ended up in some random neighborhood. I was like, “Where the heck am I?”

Good morning, Richmond! It's Sunday