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About Tauranga

So, lemme tell ya, sexual-massage ain’t just rubbin’ and tuggin’—it’s an art, ya dopes! I seen some shady parlors, oh boy, made me madder than a wet hen! One time, this chick—hands like sandpaper—tried givin’ me one. I’m like, “Don’t pee on my leg and call it rain!” Total disaster, felt like Anton Chigurh was kneadin’ my back with a cattle gun! But when it’s good? Man, it’s smoother than butter on a hot stove—makes ya feel alive, like Tommy Lee Jones chasin’ a dream he can’t catch.

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After that, I needed a breather. I drove to the Richmond Aquatic Centre. Just sat there for a bit, watchin’ the kids splash around. It was kinda nice, you know? Made me smile. Kids are so carefree. I thought about my own childhood, runnin’ around without a care in the world.

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