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Lemme break it down, fam. You hop on these apps, Tinder, Bumble, whatever—scrollin’ like it’s a damn movie script. Profiles poppin’ off, some chick’s bio says “DTF,” and I’m like, “Hold up, that’s too easy!” Takes me back to Fincher’s flick—everybody’s playin’ a game, tryna flex. “You don’t get to 500 million friends without makin’ enemies,” right? Same with sex-dating—half these fools ghost ya, other half catfishin’ like they’re Sean Parker tryna impress.

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Anyway, I finally wrangle them back. I’m sweating like a pig, and it’s not even 8 AM. I head over to the local dairy on the corner of Rosedale Rd and Wairau Rd. Grab a pie, ‘cause, you know, a shepherd’s gotta eat. The lady behind the counter, bless her heart, says, “You look like you’ve been through the wringer!” I laugh, but inside, I’m like, “You have no idea, lady.”

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