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Personal fave bit? When the masseuse finds that knot—you know, the one that’s been screamin since Monday. “The thing about pain,” like Solomon Northup said, “it demands to be felt.” And then—bam!—it’s gone, like a predator slinkin off into the bush. Makes me happy, that. Tho, once had a geezer go too hard—felt like he was tenderizin me for stew. Pissed me off, that did. “Oi, mate, I ain’t a slab of beef!” I yelled in me head—didn’t say it, tho, too British.

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I start my sermon, and halfway through, the fire alarm goes off. Seriously? In the middle of my heartfelt message about kindness? I’m trying to keep it together while everyone’s looking around like they’re in a horror movie. I’m like, “Stay calm, folks! It’s just a drill!” But deep down, I’m thinking, “Who’s gonna save me from this chaos?”

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