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About Hastings

Favorite part? When they hit that spot—ya know, *that* spot—and yer brain’s screamin’, “I’ve got a competition in me!” Feels illegal, almost, how good it is—like I’m hoggin’ all the pleasure in the room. Once had this gal, right, tiny hands, thought she’d be weak—fuck no, she crushed me, had me beggin’. Surprised the shit outta me, like, who knew? Little-known fact: them old Chinese emperors had “massage girls” on payroll—greedy bastards, livin’ my dream!

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But then, the clouds roll in. Outta nowhere, it starts pouring. I’m talking full-on monsoon. I dash for cover under this little kiosk, and I’m just standing there, soaked. I’m like, “Really, St. Kilda? You’re gonna do me like this?”

‘That is unreal’: Epic moment saves Saints in AFL thriller as Cats rocked by brutal blow