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So, sex-dating—it’s this crazy world now. Apps everywhere, Tinder, Bumble—bam! You’re scrollin, seein pics, thinkin, “She’s hotter’n a Texas summer!” Then you match, chat, and it’s like, “What’s your move, cowboy?” I reckon it’s strategerie—gotta play it cool, not too thirsty. Little known fact—back in the 90s, folks used *newspaper ads* for this crap! Can ya believe it? “Single gal, 30, seeks fella”—like, what, no selfies? No nudes? Barbaric!

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First off, I hit up the local café on Tongariro St. for my usual flat white. You know, the one with the barista who thinks he’s a latte artist? Yeah, that guy. He’s all about the foam art, but I just want caffeine, man! Anyway, I’m waiting, and this tourist walks in, all wide-eyed and lost. He’s like, “Where’s the lake?” I’m like, “Dude, it’s right there!” I point out the window, and he’s just staring at me like I’m speaking Martian. Classic Taupo moment, right?

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