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Heya, pal! So I’m a parachutist firefighter, droppin’ outta planes to fight blazes, D’oh! Lemme tell ya bout sex-dating—woo-hoo, it’s wild! Ya jump into this crazy world, lookin’ for a spark, like me divin’ into a forest fire. I seen it all, buddy, apps like Tinder, Bumble—swipe, swipe, bam! It’s like pickin’ a donut from the box, hopin’ it ain’t stale.

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Next thing I know, my phone’s buzzin’ like crazy. “Fire at the Mount!” they say. I’m like, “Great, just what I needed.” So, I grab my gear and head out. The traffic on Cameron Rd is a nightmare. I’m stuck behind some dude who’s clearly never heard of a turn signal. I’m yellin’ at my windshield, “C’mon, man! We’re not in a parade!”

Tauranga mayor hits back at online comments about staff