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Oh, and here’s a quirk—always tip ‘em extra. Why? Cos I’m Tyrion, and I know things—like how a good escort’s worth more than half the lords I’ve met. Ever hear bout the French king—Louis somethin’—had an escort spy for him? True story, she banged half the court, fed him secrets. Badass, eh? Wish I’d had her in Westeros—would’ve sniffed out Cersei’s crap sooner.

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But then, I get a text from my mate. He’s stuck in traffic on the way to Thames. I’m like, “Bro, it’s a small town! How are you stuck?” Turns out, there’s a parade happening. A freakin’ parade! I didn’t even know. So, I rush over to the main street, and it’s a full-on party. People are dancing, music’s blasting, and I’m just swept up in the chaos.

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