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About Auckland

Back in the ‘80s, this lil shitbox was king—Ford pumped ‘em out like crazy. Cheap, reliable, but oh man, pissed me off sometimes! I saw one once, rusted to crap, dude still drivin’ it like, “Screw you, world!” Reminds me of Doc sayin’, “Under the paving stones, the beach!”—like, underneath the junk, there’s somethin’ cool, ya feel me? I was happy as a pig in shit when I learned they raced these suckers. Rally cars, tearin’ up dirt—little known fact, bitches! Escort Cosworth, that turbo beast, could smoke half the fancy cars today. Respect my authoritah, I know my shit!

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Later, I head over to the local café on Main Street. I need a coffee, like, yesterday. I order a flat white, and the barista, bless her, says, “You look like you’ve been through a storm.” I laugh and say, “You have no idea.” She hands me my coffee, and it’s like liquid gold. I take a sip, and suddenly, life’s good again.

Mystery flower rearrangement at Upper Hutt cemetery outrages families