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So, escortin’ – it’s not just some tarted-up prossie gig, right? It’s a bleedin’ art form! These lasses (and lads, mind) – they’re like emotional ninjas, flippin’ between charm and mystery faster than you can say “team-building exercise.” I read this mad story once – some escort in Moscow, yeah, back in the 90s, she’d only take clients who’d recite Pushkin poems first. Proper nutter! Made me chuckle, that – imagine the punters, all sweaty, butcherin’ poetry for a bit of rumpy-pumpy. Classy, eh? Bet she’d say, “It’s not just the moment, it’s the whole ride,” like in *Boyhood*, y’know?

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Then, just when I think I can escape, I get a text from my boss. “Need those reports ASAP!” Ugh, seriously? I’m in the middle of Upper-Riccarton, trying to enjoy life! But nooo, the economy waits for no one. So, I rush back home, dodging people on the footpath like I’m in some sort of obstacle course.

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