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Here’s a kicker—Victorians, prudes, right? Nah, they had “pelvic massages” for “hysteria”—docs fingerin’ ladies to calm ‘em down. Hilarious, fuckin’ wild, and true! Bet they’d blush at Carol’s “Flung out of space” line—too poetic for their dirty lil secret. Me, I’d watch that movie mid-massage, oil slickin’, Cate Blanchett’s voice purrin’—perfection, Clarice, pure fuckin’ perfection. What surprised me? How some masseuses sneak a wink—unspoken deal, “Want more?” Naw, I’m good, just keep it legit, ya perv.

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As the night goes on, I realize that despite the chaos, today was pretty epic. I mean, who knew a day could swing from coffee disasters to magic rocks to economic debates? Upper-Riccarton, you’ve got my heart. You’re a wild ride, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

“Disturbing for victims” police arrest Riccarton peeping tom