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But here’s the tea—erotic-massage ain’t for everybody. Some folks too uptight, sittin’ there like, “Don’t touch me, I’m holy!” And I’m like, “Honey, loosen up ‘fore you snap!” Halleluyer! Me? I’m all for it—long as it’s done right. Ain’t nothin’ worse than a half-assed rubdown. I’d tell ‘em, “You can’t just poke me and call it a day!” Reminds me of Royal sayin’, “I’ve always been considered an asshole,” and I’m thinkin’, “Yeah, you and these lazy masseuses!”

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By the time I head home, I’m exhausted but happy. Wainuiomata, you’re a rollercoaster! You’ve got your ups and downs, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I mean, where else can you spill coffee, almost fight over a lamp, and reconnect with old friends all in one day?

Gang member arrested after early-morning shooting incident at Wainuiomata