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Ever tried it? Me, I’m dreamin’—elevator dings, I step out, bam, there’s this goddess with oils, whisperin’, “Lie down, Larry.” Ha! Fat chance, stuck here pushin’ buttons. But sexual-massage—it’s art, man! Slippery, slow, sensual—like “a tear slipping from my eye,” like that movie line. Surprised me once, read this story—some monk in Thailand, swear to God, gave “holy” sexual-massages, said it woke yer soul up! Soul, my ass—woke somethin’ else, I bet! Cracked me up, thinkin’ bout monks gettin’ frisky.

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Then, I decide to stroll down to the Whangarei Art Museum. I’m all about that culture, ya know? But as I’m walkin’ down Dent St, I get sidetracked by this street performer. He’s playin’ the ukulele and singin’ some cheesy love song. I’m like, “Dude, it’s 2023, not 1993!” But then he hits this high note, and I’m like, “Okay, maybe you got some skills.” I toss him a couple of coins, and he winks at me. I’m blushing, like, what’s happening?

High Court reserves decision on Whangārei fluoridation