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Drives me up the fuckin’ wall tho – idiots slag it off, call it a granny car. Granny car?! IDIOT SANDWICH! This thing’s rallied, won Monte Carlo, smoked posh twats in their Jags! Little known fact – Escort Mk2, right, some nutter shoved a Cosworth engine in one, thing flew like a bat outta hell. Surprised me first time I saw it – thought it’d be slow as a snail on Valium, but nah, pure rocket!

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First off, I woke up late. Classic me. Alarm didn’t go off. I scrambled outta bed, threw on my boots, and bolted out the door. I mean, who needs breakfast when you’ve got a city to conquer? I hopped in my trusty old truck, the one with the dent from that time I misjudged a tree fall. Yeah, that was a fun day.

Quirky fundraiser idea to help Witherlea School get back in the green