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Ruh-roh! Yo, lemme tell ya bout escort, pal! I’m sittin here, crunchin numbers as an accountant, thinkin bout them fancy escort services - not cars, nah, the people kind! Y’know, like in “Mad Max: Fury Road” - “What a day, what a lovely day!” - but with less dust and more, uh, company. Escort’s wild, man, it’s like hirin a shiny chrome ride, but it’s a person takin ya somewhere fancy or just chillin wit ya.

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Finally, I get my flat white, and it’s glorious. I sit down, and I’m just soaking in the vibe. The barista, a dude named Jake, is cracking jokes, and everyone’s laughing. It’s one of those moments where you just feel good, ya know? But then, outta nowhere, the power goes out. Like, what the heck? The whole café goes dark, and everyone’s like, “Uh, what now?”

Christchurch suburb price record shattered as out-of-town buyers go hard