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Oh, nearly forgot—surprised me once, this lass on Hinge, proper posh, said she’d only shag me if I recited poetry. I was like, “What?!” Pulled out some *Only Lovers* vibes—“Have you been around forever?”—an’ she was wetter than a Brentford rainstorm. Worked a treat! Little tip for ya there—bit of class goes miles.

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So, I head to my office on Wairakei Rd. It’s a small spot, but it’s mine. I got my posters of horses and rugby legends plastered everywhere. I sit down, ready to take bets, and then my phone blows up. My mate, Dave, calls me. He’s like, “Bro, did you see the game last night?” I’m like, “Nah, I was busy, y’know, living life.” Turns out, the underdog team won big time. I’m talkin’ massive upset. I’m fuming! I had a ton of cash on the favorites. Ugh!

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