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So, escort—high-end ones, right? Not your average street hustle. Did ya know some escort gigs started way back? Like, ancient Rome had ‘em—called ‘em “lupae” or some crap. Wolf-girls, howling for cash! Wild, huh? Surprised me when I dug that up. Imagine toga-guy goin’, “Yo, lupae, my chariot’s outside!” History’s freaky, man.

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After that near-death experience, I decide to walk it off. I head down to the Hillcrest Shopping Centre. You know, the one with the dodgy food court? I’m starving, so I grab some sushi. I swear, it was the worst sushi I’ve ever had. Like, how do you mess up sushi? It’s rice and fish! But whatever, I’m not here to critique food, right? Oh wait, that’s literally my job.

4 men plead to Hillcrest pellet-gun shootings police described as ‘hate-related'