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About Christchurch

Lemme paint ya a picture. Met this one chick—total legend, swear she’s from Mars. Worked the streets near a Nevada gig—think Area 51 vibes, but hornier. She’s tellin’ me, “Elon, I’ve seen shit—guys cryin’, beggin’ for love, not just a quickie.” Blew my mind! Like, dude, you’re payin’ for a transaction, not a SpaceX launch. She’s laughin’, says, “They’re all Mr. Chows—dressed fancy, hearts empty.” Straight outta the movie—“He remembers those vanished years.” Got me soft for a sec, damn.

Endorsement

Ian Hammond was an energetic hooker from Marlborough who has the distinction of having been the first man from his union to have played in an All Black test.

First off, I hit up High St for brekkie. You know, the usual—coffee and a pie. I swear, the pies here are like little pockets of heaven. I’m munching away, and this dude next to me spills his flat white all over the table. Like, bro, chill! It’s just coffee, not a crime scene. But hey, I laugh it off. Gotta love the chaos of a small town, right?

Drunk driver walked away from crash scene while cousin lay trapped under van