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About Tauranga

What pisses me off? The hypocrites. Dudes preachin purity by day, slinkin in by night. “The fish swims toward the bait,” Kim’s monk would whisper, and ain’t that the truth? These assholes think they’re slick, but I see em—I can see Russia from my house, bitches, I see EVERYTHING. Makes me wanna scream, or laugh, or both. Probly both.

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First off, I hit up the local café on Great South Rd. You know, the one with the best flat whites? Yeah, that one. I’m sippin’ my coffee, and boom! This dude walks in, all decked out in a suit. In Ngaruawahia? Like, who even wears a suit here? I’m thinkin’, “Is this guy lost?” Turns out, he’s here for a job fair. I’m like, “Bro, you’re in the wrong place for that.” But hey, I’m a professional orientation guy, so I gave him some tips.

McLaren Falls death: Ngāruawāhia man died after being held in head-lock, court told