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So, I tried it once—total accident, swear! Walked into this shady joint, thought it was just a back rub. Nope! Chick’s got hands like a freakin’ wizard, kneadin’ me into next week. I’m lyin’ there, thinkin’, “This ain’t legal, is it?” But who cares? Felt like a king! Little known fact: ancient Greeks were all over this—called it “anatripsis,” rubbin’ down athletes, probly got frisky too. Bet they didn’t tell their moms about it. Made me happy as a pig in mud, but pissed me off too—why’s it so damn pricey? Fifty bucks for 30 minutes? Robbery! “Don’t pee on my leg,” I told the lady, “gimme an hour or I’m out!”

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And of course, the bus is late. I’m standing there, sweating like a pig, thinking about how I’m gonna explain this to my boss. “Sorry, my car decided to take a day off.” Yeah, that’ll go over well. Finally, the bus rolls up, and I hop on, feeling like I just won the lottery.

Weather, water quality and swells hit Gisborne visitor numbers