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So I’m watchin’ *A History of Violence*, right? Cronenberg’s a genius, lemme tell ya—Tom Stall’s livin’ this quiet life, then WHAM, past creeps up, fists flyin’. Sex-dating’s the same vibe! You’re scrollin’, thinkin’ it’s all chill, then—surprise!—some weirdo’s sendin’ pics of their cat in a thong. “You think you know me?”—that’s what I’m yellin’ at my phone! Like, dude, I don’t even know your last name, relax!

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So, I dive in. And wow, it’s like a shock to the system. But once I’m under, it’s all good. Fish everywhere! I’m swimming around, feeling like a mermaid or something. But then, I see this old tire. Like, seriously? Who throws a tire in the river? I’m trying to enjoy nature, and there’s a freakin’ tire.

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