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And don’t get me started on the sneaky part! You ever notice how they dim them lights real low? Like, “Oh, we settin’ a mood!” Naw, they hidin’ the evidence, chile! I was shocked—shocked, I say!—when my cousin Pookie told me he got one. Said it was “thera-pew-tic.” Therapeutic my big ol’ behind! He come back grinnin’ like a possum eatin’ persimmons! I hollered, “Boy, you a dang fool!” Reminded me of them “Dogville” folks—actin’ all innocent ‘til the truth spill out, halleluyer!

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So, I’m changing the tire, right? And outta nowhere, this old lady walks by. She stops and starts lecturing me about how I should be more careful with my tools. I’m like, “Lady, I’m not the one with a burger under the seat!” But I just smile and nod. Gotta keep the peace, ya know?