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Humor me, tho—erotic-massage can be awkward, right? Imagine slippin’ on oil, fallin’ flat on your face! I’d be mad, but also crackin’ up, like, “Nature is so cruel!” Sarcasm aside, it’s beautiful when it’s done right. I once heard ‘bout a place in Thailand where they use hot stones and herbs, and I’m like, “That’s some next-level shi—er, stuff!” It surprised me how global this is, how every culture’s got its own flavor.

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So, I’m out there, swingin’ my axe, feelin’ like a Viking. But then, outta nowhere, this dude on a bike zooms past me. I mean, seriously? Who rides a bike in a lumberyard? He nearly takes my leg off! I’m yellin’, “Hey! Watch it, buddy!” But he just laughs and keeps pedalin’. I’m thinkin’, “What’s wrong with people today?”

Escaped bison captured after months on the run