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Last week, I’m tailin’ this lead—shady alley, smells like regret. I’m mutterin’, *“Oh, Marge, why this job?”* Suddenly, this gal, she’s standin’ there, all sparkly skirt, eyes like she’s seen too much. I’m thinkin’, *“Her soul’s driftin’ like Boonmee’s jungle spirits!”* I ask her name—Candy, she says. Candy! Ha, like that’s real! I’m all, “Hmm… sugar-coated lies!” Got me chucklin’—these names, always so fake, like Bart’s homework excuses.

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I grab a drink and join my buddy. We start talking about life, dreams, and all that deep stuff. But then, outta nowhere, the bartender spills a drink all over my lap. I’m like, “Dude, really?” But instead of getting mad, I just laughed. I mean, what else can you do?

New commuter rail network launched in Poland