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But yo, some fools out here overcharge—$200 for a rubdown? Man, that pisses me off! I’m like, “Bruh, I ain’t droppin’ stacks for slippery fingers!” Had this one chick once, tho, real pro—soft hands, knew the spots, had me floatin’ like I smoked the fattest blunt. Surprised the hell outta me, like, “This what heaven feel like?” She whispered some shit ‘bout tantric energy, chi flowin’—I’m like, “Word? Keep it comin’, girl!” That’s the real deal, not some whack-ass spa scam.

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We chat about her cat, Mr. Whiskers. She’s all, “He’s been a bit grumpy lately.” I’m like, “Aren’t we all?” But then she tells me about how he knocked over her favorite vase. I’m cracking up. “That’s one way to get attention!”

Unidentified object being investigated as possible SpaceX rocket debris