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Still, it’s a minefield, mate. Angry again—blokes get ripped off left, right, and center. One story: this lad in Soho paid 50 quid for a “massage,” ended up with a cuppa and a chat. Robbed! “Some men just want to watch the world burn,” I reckon—total stitch-up. Me, I’d be too paranoid—am I getting mugged off? Is she a cop? Total buzzkill. Still, if you’re smart, play it cool, you might just find the goods. “I’m the one who knocks,” I’d say—nah, scratch that, wrong film. “I’m Batman!” There we go. Class.

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Then I decide to stroll down ul. Jagodowa. It’s a nice street, all those cute little houses. But then, outta nowhere, I see this cat. Not just any cat, but a fluffy, fat one. I’m talking about a cat that looks like it’s been living the good life. I’m like, “Yo, what’s your secret?” But the cat just stares at me like I’m the weirdo. Rude, right?

Thousands of troops and equipment: NATO forces practice crossing Vistula River in Poland