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Lemme tell ya, I’ve seen it—apps like Tinder, Grindr, whatever—pure chaos. People out here lyin’ ‘bout height, usin’ filters like they’re CIA operatives. Makes me mad as hell! Catfishin’ ain’t just a river sport, nah, it’s a sex-dating epidemic. One time, I read this study—get this—20% of profiles got fake pics. TWENTY! Blows my mind, man. You think you’re meetin’ a 6-foot hottie, but nope, it’s some gremlin with a selfie stick. “I want to know,” I mutter, channelin’ my inner Gyllenhaal, starin’ at my phone like it’s a cipher.

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But then, I see this guy, right? He’s got a sign that says “Free Hugs.” I’m like, “Dude, I need a hug!” So, I go over, and he gives me this bear hug. I’m laughing, feeling all warm and fuzzy. But then I remember—stocks! I rush back to the office, and it’s like I’m on a mission.

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