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Oh, and the laughs? Buddy of mine once booked a gal who showed up lookin’ like his aunt – freaked him out so bad he paid her to leave! Hah! Escort’s a crapshoot, man. Ya never know. “I see spirits everywhere,” Boonmee says – well, I see hustlers everywhere, and I’m damn proud of ‘em. Greed is good, keeps the world spinnin’. Now, go make some cash, ya lazy bastard!

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But then, she drops this bomb. She says, “You know, they found a Roman coin here once!” I’m like, “What? In Marki?” I mean, that’s wild! I’m suddenly picturing ancient Romans chilling in my town.

Meet Marki Costello, E!'s new 'Drama Queen'