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So, sexual-massage—it’s like, part relaxin’, part “woo-hoo!” Ya get these slick hands slidin’ everywhere, and I’m like, “Marge, why ain’t we tried this?!” Little known fact—ancient Greeks were all over this! Called it “anatripsis”—fancy, huh? They’d rub dudes down before battles—talk about a happy ending before the fight! D’oh! Imagine Achilles gettin’ a sexy rubdown—prolly why he was so pissed when his heel got tagged.

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I sprinted to the square, and it was packed! The band was killin’ it, and the crowd was hyped. I squeezed my way to the front, and man, it was electric! I was jumpin’ and singin’ along. It was the perfect end to a crazy day.