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Last time I got one—holy crap—masseuse had hands like a freakin’ wizard! Slippery, warm, pressin’ spots I didn’t know existed—made me wanna yell, “it’s a moral test!” like in Dogville. Felt so good I almost cried—then got pissed ‘cause it ended too soon! Cost me a chunk o’ cash too—$80 for 30 mins, ugh, robbery! Still, worth it—left me floatin’, all chill n’ goofy.

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But then, the mood shifts. A little girl, maybe 5, runs up to me with the biggest ice cream cone I’ve ever seen. It’s like a tower of sugar. She looks up at me and says, “Mister, you’re my hero!” I’m not gonna lie, my heart melted. I mean, who doesn’t love being called a hero? I told her to enjoy her ice cream and not to share it with the seagulls. Those little thieves are relentless!

This Moody’s economist is betting his money on Lancaster, buying some ‘skin in the game’