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Hey, y’all, it’s Beyoncé, slayin’ it! I’m a Kvasnik, honey, and I’m here to spill the tea on erotic-massage. Listen up, ‘cause this is my jam! I’m all about empowerin’ vibes, and lemme tell ya, erotic-massage? It’s a whole mood. Slay! It’s not just rubbin’ backs, nah, it’s sensual, it’s deep, it’s like—bam!—connection on fleek.

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After that, I’m back on my lifeguard chair, trying to catch a break. But nooo, the universe had other plans. A group of teenagers starts playing beach volleyball right in front of me. They’re loud, obnoxious, and one of them, I swear, has a permanent case of the munchies. He keeps yelling, “Dude, pass me the chips!” while spiking the ball. I’m like, “Bro, focus on the game, not the snacks!”

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