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Real talk, tho, I tried it once, yeah? Mate hooked me up with this lass—propa fit, hands like magic. She’s slidin’ them oils all over, and I’m like, “Bruv, this is peng!” Got me so relaxed I nearly fell off the table, swear down. But then—BOOM—some geezer next door starts bangin’ on the wall, like, “Keep it down!” Made me vex, fam! I’m tryna get my zen on, and this muppet’s ruinin’ it. “Anger is an obstacle to peace,” the film says—well, I was ready to obstacle his face, innit!

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We hit the shops. First stop? A boutique on ul. Poludnie. I’m hyped! But then, disaster strikes. The dress she loves? Out of stock. I can’t even. Kasia’s face? Total meltdown. I’m trying to calm her down, but she’s like, “What do you mean, out of stock?!”