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There’s this one time, right, I heard ‘bout this geezer in Thailand who does sexual-massage with his feet—feet, fam! I’m like, “Bruv, that’s rank,” but also, respect, ‘cos that’s skills. Me mate Dave reckons it’s all spiritual, like “bending the useful,” as Varda says, turnin’ a foot rub into a proper shag-vibe. I’m cacklin’ thinkin’ ‘bout it—imagine the stench, tho!

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After the meeting, I’m walking back, and I see this street performer on ul. Królewska. He’s playing the accordion, and honestly, he’s kinda good. I stop to listen, and for a moment, I forget about the potholes and the grumpy folks. It’s just me and the music. I even toss him a few zlotys.