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Oi mate, gather round! As an economist, I reckon sexual-massage is a bloody goldmine, a hidden economy! We shall fight the dreary numbers, we shall storm the beaches of pleasure! Picture this – supply, demand, all tangled up in oily hands. Watched “The Return” last night, that grim Russian flick – Andrey Zvyagintsev, 2003, my fave – and it hit me: sexual-massage is like that island, mysterious, pulling you in. “What are we waiting for?” the kid yells in the film – same vibe, why wait for a rubdown?

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But then, I get a text. It’s from my boss. “We need to talk about the event next week.” Ugh, the event. I totally forgot. I’m supposed to organize this big thing at the park by ul. Piłsudskiego. I’m like, “Great, just what I need.”