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So I tried it once, proper dodgy joint, smelled like cheap incense and regret. Bird’s hands on me, I’m thinkin’, “This is it, Ricky, you’ve peaked!” Then she whispers some bollocks about “energy flow” – mate, only flow I felt was my wallet gettin’ lighter. “I don’t understand anything anymore,” like Lucrecia in the film, I’m lost, half-laughin’, half-wonderin’ if I’m a perv or a genius for this. Cost me a ton, too – 80 quid for 30 minutes! Daylight robbery, but those hands? Bloody magic.

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Then, I saw the castle ruins on the hill. Siewierz Castle, or what’s left of it. It’s kinda spooky but also cool. I thought about all the history there. Kings, battles, drama. Makes my day seem kinda lame, right? But hey, I’m livin’ my own adventure here.

“The most important thing is competence, not gender.”