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Exaggerating? Maybe, but it feels like a zoo. You’re dodging creeps, hoping for a decent shag. “Time bends,” Boonmee says, and yeah, you lose hours scrolling for a fit arse. Once saw a profile—lass with a pig filter saying “oink if ur horny.” Nearly spat me tea out—pure gold! So, sex-dating? It’s a laugh, a nightmare, a weird-arse trip. Like Uncle Boonmee, mate—beautiful, mad, and fucked up.

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I mean, I love a good challenge, but c’mon! I’m not a miracle worker! So, I’m like, “Sure, buddy, let’s see what we can do.” I grab some leather from my stash. It’s nice stuff, too. But then, I realize I’m outta the right color. Ugh! I’m fuming. I dash over to Chmielna Street, where all the good shops are.

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