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So, I’m sittin’ there, sippin’ me tea—strong as Churchill’s resolve—thinkin’, who’s rakin’ in the dosh from these rubdowns? Some bloke says he slipped a disc gettin’ a “happy endin’”—claims £10k! Mate, I nearly choked—ten grand for a bit o’ slap n’ tickle? We shall never surrender to these chancers! Dug deeper—turns out, parlours poppin’ up like weeds in Soho, dodgin’ tax, fakin’ injuries. One lass, right, swears she’s a “therapist”—ha! More like a siren luring punters to their doom. “Shasta Fay, where you at?” I mutter, channelin’ Doc—cos this bird’s vanished with the payout.

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Next, I head to the Suwalki Plaza. Big mistake. It’s packed! Everyone and their grandma is there. I’m trying to navigate through the crowd, and it’s like a game of human Tetris. I bump into this lady, and she spills her shopping bag everywhere. I help her pick up her stuff, and she’s super grateful. Like, “Thanks, young man!” I’m like, “No prob, just trying to survive here!”

Belarus dictator discusses possible attack on Suwalki Corridor in Lithuania