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So, I met this one chick—let’s call her Candy, ‘cause why not? She’s workin’ the corner near my burn pit. Smells like smoke and regret, ya know? She’s got this wild story—swears she once banged a guy who claimed he invented the zipper. True? Prolly not, but I laughed my ass off. “You’re a real historian, huh?” I said, channin’ my inner Cronenberg sarcasm. She just winked, like, “I’ve seen worse than you, coal girl.”
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Anyway, I finally make it to my first gig. I’m an Aleepty, which is basically a fancy way of saying I help people chill out. But today? Today was a rollercoaster. My first client, bless their heart, was a total mess. They were all over the place, talking about their ex, their cat, and how they think the pigeons in the park are plotting against them. I mean, come on! Pigeons? Really? But hey, I’m here for it. I just nod and smile, trying to keep it together.
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